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-Entries'-

Tuesday, April 1, 2008*

ok fine. due to the increasing controversies of my posts i have moved to http://coathanger.wordpress.com/ yay. its not like anyone reads this anyway

-monochromatic-7:20 AM

Friday, March 28, 2008*

Sigh… 60th… whats happening??? I notice that a lot of work done for 60th by certain people have gone seemingly unnoticed. Though to most these contributions may not seem like much, a lot of effort and time has been put into them, so it’s no wonder how these underappreciated background workers feel so unmotivated and well, unappreciated. Its like as Darius said. I do so much for the Company, but no one seems to care. Its just so.. yknow. Im not sure how to say this. It’s a really thankless job, such that the person loses all enthusiasm and genuinely felt concern for the job/company, and ends up doing his job purely out of fulfilling basic duty. It’s a vicious cycle, now I understand why previous csms like binglong and geoff just left after fulfilling their terms of duty.

Its quite true.

But I have to say from my point of view, where I can see how everyone works, what they do etc, darius isn’t the only one. I know Kevin (Kwek), for a fact has been struggling with BB week, mainly cos hes alone with the job. I see all these things, and I myself feel unmotivated. Im unsure of whether coming back to help will even well. HELP. I know that if I choose to go for primership, it will be a really thankless job. But its not about the recognition… its more of whether my prescence can actually turn the company’s direction around… for the better. I just don’t know anymore.

And to all those out there who feel unappreciated, unnoticed, your contributions uncared for, I KNOW. And I appreciate all that :) (you may think I really don’t, but trust me. I DO.)

-monochromatic-7:23 AM

Tuesday, March 18, 2008*

weeell. this thursday is community day. a day to commerate 185 years of RI-ness, a day to give back to the community. for 3 measely hours. honestly, even though i've heard all the "even though they may forget what we have done for them, we will at least give them that 3 hours of happinness.", i really think that not much impact will come from this much anticipated day of service. i mean, yes its all good and cool, mobilizing an entire school to go out and serve the community, but only for 3 hours? its just a token act.

Moreover, i have been quite disappointed in BB lately. i have to say for one, that i myself am at fault too. firstly, the sec 4 batch.. well. i wouldn't call it a batch. every commitee is working towards their own goals, not communicating, unsure of what the others are doing. most of us are like, oh i've done my part le don't bug me. and some of us aren't even fulfilling our duties. take this comm day for example. the organization was so screwed, and now it seems only guodong, and linus, who had to step in, are like saikanging everything. CIP ppl leh??? for this reason i have decided to join HML on comm day.. even though the number of participating members are small, and our impact not as large, i feel that we have done a better job at organization, and that the mural we are painting will be a much more lasting impact than the three hours that BB will give to the homes. also, i feel i can do more with HML, and that HML needs me more than BB does.
back to the point on our batch not being a batch, i also realise that our batch is split mainly into two large groups, the enthu, the not so enthu. of course there are middle men like me. but what is disappointing is that no one seems to be making an effort to unite the batch. even during outings and stuff, (e.g. that lunch before march camp), one table with all the enthu ppl, one for the "ponners". no mingling. and i was like wtf. i know i shouldn't say all this if i, myself, am not doing much to address this, but this is something i feel quite strongly about, and i have tried to talk to some people, but nothing seems to have been done.

Another thing about BB i feel rather pissed about, is the boys' attitudes towards service. although i do see a handful of boys who are genuinely interested in
helping others, i realise that a large portion of them are not taking it seriously. take yesterday
for example. when we were supposed to fill in the mahjong paper with our goals, how service is
related to BB and stuff. yes we may seem to have the model answers, but do the boys really feel
that way? i notice that most of them are just throwing in what they deem "politically correct" to get it over and done with. is this the kind of attitude we really want to see when they go out to do CIP? i mean stuff like "we must bring ourselves down to their level" really shows how they view these people, as inferior, lower than us. i must disagree with Ms Tang though. they are not different. they are special, but no less than any one of us. i think from their POV, they would rather us see them as equals. if you were them, would you not feel the same way? i once read a story, about a basketball team who were playing a match against a team from a handicapped school. the opposing team consisted of players whom were all wheelchair-bound. in order not to "bully" them, the coach told the team to play leniently, which they did. but then the opposing team suddenly became very hostile in their gameplay, often mocking the boys, calling them sissies and such. the boys, unable to take it, decided to teach them a lesson, and played hard, disobeying their coach. in the end, the boys beat the opposing team, and at the prize giving ceremony, the captain of the opposing team said this to the boys: thanks for that great game. you were the first team we played
who gave us their best, who treated us as equals, and not like some little kids who can't handle the
game.
i just hope that this experience will change the boys, as well as their mindset towards service. (but i won't be there to see if it
happens. bah D:<)

-monochromatic-6:08 AM

Monday, March 17, 2008*

yea so um. first draft!

-monochromatic-7:50 AM

Friday, March 14, 2008*

i think this comic really says something about how we often take some things/one for granted.. and we don't realise it until they're gone.. T.T
its so small.. go here http://mrcrapinson.deviantart.com/art/Useful-75073301
yes i cried while reading it.. so WHAT.
will post on march camp when i feel like it..

-monochromatic-5:39 AM

Thursday, March 13, 2008*

Amazing Grace. Many times we hear this hymn, at funerals and ceremonies and such, but how often do people stop to think about the history behind it, as well as its original intended meaning?

Today during LCM day (which is library club member’s day for you. I AM proud of being a librarian, and I did not join because of my mother, but rather as a form of service to the school and its community so to all of you out there who laugh at me… I’m not a nerd just cause I’m a librarian :/), we were shown the movie “amazing grace”, and it really left a mark on me.

In the movie, the main character (based on an actual historical figure), William Wilberforce, faced a dilemma – whether to pursue religion, or politics. As one of his comrades aptly said, “we strongly suggest you do both.”

The problem he was trying to address at that time was the slave trade. (Though this may not seem much of problem in society now, there are still cases of human trafficking happening in present time, so in actual fact, slavery is far from banished.) But his mind was thinking about other things at that time as well… Like God and the praises his beautiful voice allows him to sing of Him. About the little marvels of the world… spider webs and stuff. But he had already established himself as a marvelous politician, and his best friend, William Pitt, who aspired to become prime minister, was pressurizing him to enter the world of politics once more, despite his many failed attempts to pass the bill abolishing the slave trade. His servant advised him: “planning to live a life of solitude? The saddest thing is not when no one knows a man, but when a man does not know himself”. Or something along those lines.

I think that… technically by serving man, we are also serving God, as we are the “sons” of God, it’s just whether or not we choose to accept him as our father. Another apt quote in the movie – if you make the world better in one way, is it not making the world better in every way?

The song was written by John Newton, a mentor to William Wilberforce, a man who used to be the captain of a slave ship, who repented and converted to Christianity, and wrote this hymn as a sort of confession.
“I live in this church together with 20,000 other souls. I wish I remembered all their names. They had beautiful African names, every single one of them, and yet we called them by grunts. We were apes, they were human”.

Quotable quotes:

John Newton: Although my memory's fading, I remember two things very clearly. I'm a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.

William Wilberforce: No matter how loud you shout, you will not drown out the voice of the people!
William Wilberforce: I want you to remember that smell... remember the Madagascar... remember, God made men equal.

John Newton: [reciting his song] "I once was blind but now I see". Didn't I write that?
William Wilberforce: Yes, you did.
John Newton: Now at last it's true. (a reference to his blindness)

Pitt the Younger: As your Prime Minister, I urge you caution
William Wilberforce: And as my friend?
Pitt the Younger: To hell with caution.

William Wilberforce: No one of our age has ever taken power.
Pitt the Younger: Which is why we're too young to realize certain things are impossible. Which is why we will do them anyway.

John Newton: God sometimes does His work with gentle drizzle, not storms. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Oloudaqh Equiano: Your life is a thread. It breaks, or it doesn't break.

Richard the Butler: You found God, sir?
William Wilberforce: I think He found me.

William Wilberforce: In my heart I want spider's webs!

Richard the Butler: Great changes are easier than small ones. Sir Francis Bacon. I don’t just dust yer books, sir.

William Wilberforce: You're dressing very simply these days.
John Newton: I'm a simple man.

William Wilberforce: I had heard your sight was fading.
John Newton: Well, now it's faded altogether. I never do things by halves. God decided I'd seen enough.

John Newton: [through tears] I'm weeping. I couldn't weep till I wrote this. (his confession)

William Wilberforce: It's only painful to talk about because we haven't changed anything.

William Wilberforce: You wake me up to give me medicine to help me sleep?

Damn I really need to put what I want to say down at the heat of the moment cos I FORGOT what I wanted to say! AARGH!

Anyway it’s a really good movie so.. WATCH IT. And William Wilberforce looks like Mr. Aguss hahaha.

Ah yes, I remember. I realize that to do great things, to enlargen one’s sphere of influence, one must first establish him/herself as capable. People I’ve seen who have brought about great change are often high in power, but never forgetting to return to the community, the very thing that gave them their position in the first place.

Lord Charles Fox: When people speak of great men, they think of men like Napoleon - men of violence. Rarely do they think of peaceful men. But contrast the reception they will receive when they return home from their battles. Napoleon will arrive in pomp and in power, a man who's achieved the very summit of earthly ambition. And yet his dreams will be haunted by the oppressions of war. William Wilberforce, however, will return to his family, lay his head on his pillow and remember: the slave trade is no more.

"Amazing Grace"

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That sav’d a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ’d!

Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promis’d good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call’d me here below,
Will be forever mine.

John Newton, Olney Hymns (London: W. Oliver, 1779)

To me, amazing grace refers to the Grace of God, and the hymn refers to how John had seen the light.

This also brings me to a point on humans, our lives and our value.
In Cambodia, a developing country, the handicapped are given little care, for the government deems them useless to the society. The mentality is that if you don’t produce any returns for the country, why should we provide for you?
Whereas in societies like the Aborigines in Australia, their culture cares for everyone, every life. Their belief is that no one, no matter how disabled, how small, how immobile, gets left behind.

Is it not ironic how the compassion and values we see in such backward societies, can be totally absent in developing/developed countries?
Sometimes I think that those societies have more to teach us than for us to teach them.

-monochromatic-6:13 AM

Thursday, March 6, 2008*

well first i have to say - not all religions are perfect. they each have their own strengths and flaws, and it is really up to us to decide which path to follow. religion, i feel, should also be more of a spiritual guidance than an obsession.

every religion has its flaws and contradictions.

in buddhism, buddha isn't a god, but rather "the enlightened one", who reached enlightenment through medition and the realization of the true unimportance of our materialistic needs. through meditating, he realised that what shapes us and harbours evil, is our lustful and gluttonous desires. as such, through meditation, he left all his desires behind. but truly is this the right way? to abandon all our earthly possesions? when buddha decided to go in search of enlightenment, he left his wife and children behind? is it not selfish of him to abandon his loved ones for personal enlightenment? and moreover, is the desire to rid oneself of all desires not the ultimate desire?

about christianity, the part i do not really like is the fact that if you choose not to believe, you will be sentenced to burn in hell. is it not ironic that religions, whose basis are faith and belief, would need something like this to "scare" people into believing. some christians in this case, would not be true christians. they would only follow this religion due to fear of the unknown, the lack of knowledge of what comes after life. they would not truly be christians because of fait, but rather fear.
comparing a person who goes to church regularly but without sincerity, and a person who doesn't but prays from his heart, who is truly more faithful? we should show our religiousness not only through our actions, but really through faith.

a story my father told me:

there was once a very faithful black man, who wanted to attend church. however, as he attempted to enter, he found a large sign on the door that decreed :"no blacks and dogs allowed".
the man went back home disappointed, and prayed to god, questioning: "oh heavenly father, why is it that i am not allowed to show my faith for you? should it not be based on faith, rather than colour? why is it that my fellow believers do not allow me into your sacred home?"

to this, a loud voice boomed: "do not worry my son, the truth is, even i cannot enter that church!"

after all, the greatest temple is in the heart.

-monochromatic-4:51 AM